he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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