can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
