i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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