My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
