weddingsv make me drug and hornr
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
