Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
