fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the condom got lost in my hair
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
