Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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