We got so high we made milksteak
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
