my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
