Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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