i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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