i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
