and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
