good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
