If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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