Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
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is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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