Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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