New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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