i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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