We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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