As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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