Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
