Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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