Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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