I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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