you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
