Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
