one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
