Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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