I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
