I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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