"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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