smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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