apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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