2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he thought i was a dude.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
