Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
