Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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