I'm gonna have a badass scar
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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