I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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