I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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