the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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