I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
