Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The beer is more important than you right now.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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