ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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