I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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