Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
