My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
