in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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