well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
