a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
