So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
