why didn't you poke me back
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
