i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
