an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
