I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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