I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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