he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
