forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
