you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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