Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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