Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
