Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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