i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How does one acquire holy water?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
