I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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