Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
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