the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
