I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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