I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
