I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
