There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
